#humor

"I'm calm,"Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?""Look,"I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything.""Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.""Was it hard?"Annabeth asked."

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch."

"And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."

"I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"Dev-"Come in peace or leave in pieces"

"My brain? That's my second favorite organ."

"Who, Me? We marry nearly the same person over and over again,hoping next time they'll get it right."

"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."

"So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green."

"You didn't have to come after me.""Yes, I did,"he said. "You're far too inexperienced to protect yourself in a hostile situation without me.""That's sweet. Maybe I'll forgive you.""Forgive me? Fro what?""Fro telling me to shut up."His eyes narrowed. "I did not... Well, I did, But you were-""Never mind."

"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."

"Please don't die."

"Seafood My body's just a shell,the world is my oyster ~and I'm getting a whale of appetiteright now for some delicious seafood ."

"Love is a boomerang dripped in honey, in that it emanates from me just as surely as it will return to me. Still, I think I’d much rather wash my hands and be done with it."

"Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.'It was the perfect motto for Morganville."

"That dress…was a very, very good decision. I could write an entire poem on the virtues of your legs alone. You are a feast for the senses.” I laughed. “I don’t know about a feast. Maybe just an hors d'oeuvre.” He took my hand and wrapped it around his arm. “Not an hors d'oeuvre. The dessert. And I plan to spoil my appetite."

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken!"

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."

"Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee."