#humor

"I have rubbed shoulders with the rich, the powerful, and the armless. It’s how to network when handshakes aren’t an option."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"The Poet's Job [10w] + {Couplet} Trigger memory, explode an emotion;the poet must create commotion....................................................­....................."

"Exactly!"said Deep Thought. "So once you do know what the question actually is, you'll know what the answer means."

"If I shot an arrow and thought about an ass, would it surprise you if it hit Erik?"

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

"She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not... you know, better.""Define BETTER with that guy.""Not all fangs and raaaaar."

"Four flips the gun in this hand, presses the barrel to Peter's forehead, and clicks a bullet into place. Peter freezes with his lips parted, the yawn dead in his mouth. "Wake. Up,"Four snaps. "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."

"Hung [10w] Being caught with your pants down is a hanging offense."

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."

"Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet."

"I am not really breaking any rules. Charlie said I could never take another step through the door again... I came in through the window... Still, the intent was clear,"said Edward."

"Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."

"We're on a planet, relax!"

"Who needs a large vocabulary when you can just make up any word at any time? It makes life a whole lot more emeaglibop."

"Err [10w] My dear, "To err is human — to forgive, to redefine."

"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."

"Nebraska State Motto Equality before the law.Where Monsanto/GMO corn is above the law."

"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."

"Consciousness-Driven Evolution circa 60,000 B.C. Random genetic mutation allowed homo sapiens to compete more successfully for food and mating rights. Just listen to girl chatter posted on the cave walls:"Boy, Uggh is hot. He's sentient!""Yeah. He doesn't need a club to get my attention."