#humor

"So much good, so much evil. Just add water."

"The first ten million years were the worst,"said Marvin, "and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline."

"If my last name were Hunter, I’d probably be a fisherman. That’s just the kind of lover I am."

"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."

"The 3 Most Powerful Words in the English Language for Every College Student [3w] Ilovepizza"

"Whose Asphalt Is It? [10w] The road to mediocrity is paved with asphalt and tarmac."

"Fear is the Best Test Will the fear of going blind make youa voracious reader, a world traveleror paralyze you with a thousand other fears?"

"Now,"said Brandons low, cold voice. "Lets not be rude eve."

"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"

"You don’t need batteries for an introduction. Buy my Networking in a Box today and see for yourself. (Handshakes sold separately.)"

"Well, what I don't understand is why people get all dressed up and drive to church so they can sit there and get scolded. Seems to me it'd be a whole lot easier for the to just stay home in their pj's, eat pancakes, and get yelled at over the radion."

"I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them."

"Sex is not about reproduc-tion, gender is not about males and females, courtship is not aboutpersuasion, fashion is not about beauty, and love is not about affec-tion. Below the surface of every banality and cliche there lies irony,cynicism, and profundity."

"Rationality vs. Madness [10w] Rationality maintains the world's status quo.Madness drives the change."

"Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight."

"I see a light in the kitchen. Let us not deprive Molly any longer of the chance to deplore how thin you are."

"The sign was spray-painted in Arabic and English, probably from some attempt by the farmer to sell his wares in the market. The English read: Dates-best price. Cold Bebsi. "Bebsi?"I asked."Pepsi,"Walt said. "I read about it on the Internet. There's no 'p' in Arabic. Everyone here calls the soda Bebsi.""So you have to have Bebsi with your bizza?""Brobably."

"I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman."

"I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical."

"The internet is a knowledge omelet. Sometimes I just want the purity of scrambled eggs that only a book can provide."