"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here,"so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies."And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth."
"I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive."
"I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red."
"I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror."
"I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming!"
"I want to have breasts the size of Florida, so that people might see me at Ponte Vedra beach and gasp, “Look at the size of his Naples!"