funny

"Aunt Mercy put down her tiles, one at a time. I-T-C-H-I-N.Aunt Grace leaned closer to the board, squinting. "Mercy Lynne, you're cheatin' again! What kinda word is that? Use it in a sentence.""I'm itchin' ta have some a that white cake.""That's not how you spell it."At least one of them could spell. Aunt Grace pulled one of the tiles off the board. "There's no T in itchin'."Or not."

"This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!"

"It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it."

"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."

"What is pink, blurry, and always leaving when you’re arriving? Love."

"I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits."

"What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?"

"I had died and woken up in High School Musical"

"When the clock reads 3:00, I don’t call it three o’clock, I call it three hundred, and I remember the Spartans. At 3:01, however, I remember what I was doing at 2:59, and I get back to it."

"Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?"NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) "No. You'll fuck it up and die."So I took it apart."

"Zoey~ 'Listen to me, whinning about money and a scarf. Ah, hell! I'm starting to sound like Aphrodite.'Stark~ 'If you turn into Aprodite I'm going to stab myself.'Zoey~ 'If I turn into Aprodite, stab me first.'Stark~ 'Deal.'Zoey~ 'Deal."

"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."

"You don't want him,"she said to the pink-haired girl. "He has syphilis."The girls stared. "Syphilis?""Five percent of people in America have it,"said Ty helpfully."I do not have syphilis,"Mark said angrily. "There are no sexually transmitted diseases in Faerieland!"”Sorry,"Jules said. "You know how syphilis is. Attacks the brain."

"Sane is boring."

"Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks."

"If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you"

"You mean she doesn’t intend to blow me up before the ceremony?” said Kai,taking the box.“How disappointing."

"He must have known I'd want to leave you.""No, he must have known you would always want to come back."

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"I’m not courageous. In fact, when I shadow box I wear boxing gloves that are outfitted with flashlights."