funny

"I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss."

"Love is a green sky on a blue pasture, and I am the flying cow eating it all up."

"1. You left a multipack of Mars Bars on top of your wardrobe. Can I have one? Dad x2. I had three. Hope that's OK. Dad x3. I'm just going to have one more. Dad x4. Harriet, your Dad's made himself sick on an entire multipack of Mars Bars again. Please don't leave sweets where we can find them. A x"

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."

"She moved like water, graceful and soft and lovely. Every part of me wanted to stick out my foot and trip her, just to see her stumble."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"Love is tender, like the pot roast I’m keeping warm in my shoes."

"When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out."

"*Appendix usually means "small outgrowth from large intestine,"but in this case it means "additional information accompanying main text."Or are those really the same things? Think carefully before you insult this book."

"She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert."

"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."

"His fingers lightly grazed my cheek. "I didn't know you before. When you're not there, I can't concentrate. I'm wondering where you are, what you're doing...if you're there and I can see you, I can see you, I can focus. I know it's crazy, but that's how it is.""And crazy is exactly the way I like it,"I said, leaning up to kiss his lips."Obviously,"America muttered under breath."

"Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening."

"Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record."

"I want to write a song about the only girl I’ve ever loved. And the chorus will say something like, “I really want to see you tonight, so I hope you leave your blinds open."

"Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it"

"Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground."

"I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues."

"I cook. My favorite thing to make is love."