More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?"
"I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!"
"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."
"I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself."
"I sleep when I blink. I dream like I love—continuously."