When all else fails, there's always delusion. - Conan O'Brien

"Applaud my idiocy."

"A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh."

"If you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen."

"All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."

"All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen."