Lemony Snicket, The Wide Window

"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."

"For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand."

"There are few sights sadder than a ruined book."