humor

"Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare."

"I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick."

"Combine a fog machine and a cotton candy maker to create delicious mystery. This is the heart of romance."

"Can you enter a house uninvited?""No.""Why?""That would be rude."

"I have lightning and wind powers,"Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'"Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!"

"Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating."

"When you say gorgeous,” Jen started, “are we talking Brad Pitt boyish good looks, or Johnny Depp make ya want to slap somebody?” “No, we’re talking Brad and Johnny need to bow down and recognize” Jacque answered."

"If we're going to the Silent City, you might want to get dressed. I mean, I appreciate the bra-and-panties look, but I don't know if the Silent Brothers will. There are only a few of the left, and I don't want them to die of excitement."

"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."

"Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to."

"Can you be a girl for a few seconds?""I'm always a girl"I frown."You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl"I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay."

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"French name, English accent, American school. Anna confused."

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"Solutions-oriented campaigning with a little passion and a little humor; I think that will go a long way. I think people are desperate for it."

"In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness."

"I will say that as I get older and calmer and quieter in my own self, the one quality in a woman that I find more and more attractive is kindness. A sense of adventure and humor is important too, but I truly find kindness and consideration for others to be the most attractive thing in anyone."

"To attract a lover, you need to craft the perfect Craigslist ad. Here’s mine: Free TV with purchase of potato chips and couch."