humor

"Humor is imperative, more important than food. You have a choice when someone dies. You can lie down or get back into life. Do something for someone else."

"Pasteboard pies and paper flowers are being banished from the stage by the growth of that power of accurate observation which is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it...."

"Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant."

"There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them."

"Ride?"Rhage snorted. "Please. That thing is a sewing machine with an air dam taped to it. My GTO could dust the fucker in fourth gear from a dead stop."When there was an odd sound from behind, John looked back. So did the three Brothers. "What."Xhex bristled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I can laugh, you know. And that's . . . pretty damn funny."Rhage beamed. "I knew I liked you."

"Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?"

"I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes."

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."

"Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”“That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”“What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted."

"I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact."

"I feel robbing a bank would be the highest form of performance art. No need to pay to see me work. The Federal Reserve is subsidizing it."

"Man, you weigh a freaking ton,"he told me. "What've you been eating, rocks?""Why, is your head missing some?"I croaked. His mouth almost quirked in a smile, and that's when I knew how upset he'd been"

"My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me."

"Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly."

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large."

"She said, “I’m having the stairs rebuilt,” and I replied, “No need to get sexual with me.” I’m a bring my own elevator kind of lover anyway."

"Let's carpe the hell out of this diem."

"You want to change? Lose the bitch. Be nicer to people. Stop telling them to "bite you"and threatening to kick them until they're dead."

"I'm making a listI'm making a list of things I must sayFor politeness,And goodness and kindness and gentlenessSweetness and rightness:HelloPardon meHow are you?Excuse meBless youMay I?Thank youGoodbyeIf you know some that I've forgot,Please stick them in you eye!"