#humor

"Amazon.com Amazon.com is the Church of Consumer Capitalismwhose ethics demands we know the price of everything,the value of absolutely nothing of true moral valueand most importantly ~Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought."

"Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent."

"Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"

"The true New Yorker secretly believes that people living anywhere else have to be, in some sense, kidding."

"It's probably a bad indicator of your lifestyle when you miss your ex-boyfriend because he's absolutely lethal."

"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."

"They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,"Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me."

"Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!"

"Masochist [10w] A masochist goes to massage parlor seeking a tragic ending."

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience."

"Stop!"Narcissus got to his feet. "This is not right! This person is obviously not awesome, so he must be..."He struggled for the right words. It had probably been a long time since he'd talked about anything other than himself. "He must be tricking us."Apparently Narcissus wasn't completely stupid."

"Psychotherapy [10w] If you can second guess a psychotherapist,they’re totally useless."

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."

"The Phenomenon of Life {Couplet} The potter's some man of clay who's molding clay,a robot making an automaton;Every day we recreate ourselves from what bricks we're made,how wondrous life's phenomenon!"

"Someday is not a day of the week."

"I bought a faucet, but water wasn’t included. That’s like when you buy my love—it’s dirty and used, but soap isn’t included."

"What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?"

"Entrepreneurs [10w] A man should be judged by the companyhe sells."

"Can't you just like a girl who likes you back?''None of them likes me back. I may as well like the one I really want."