#humor

"Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed at one's luck."

"Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them."

"Even the ocean waves take their hellos to the people all the time. I should take my hellos down to the beach and sell waves to the tourists."

"I love coffee cake, but I would prefer if it were just a little more drinkable. I almost choked while chugging some this morning, and if it weren’t for the fluid nature of clownfish, I might have caught feelings for Hillary using a basketball net."

"New York City [10w] + [10w] + {Couplet} In fast-paced New York Cityeven the bubbling brooks babble.The Hudson and East River run rabid,skirting the rabble"

"Whose Asphalt Is It? [10w] The road to mediocrity is paved with asphalt and tarmac."

"How to Save the World [10w] When true love floods in, it could float an ark."

"I’d row a gondola like a column is not a row. My coffee may be cold, but my love is warm. When are you going to wake up and drink it?"

"Before the NSA there was the Catholic Church. What is confessional if not a place to gather secrets? No wonder the church had all the power."

"You see? I know where every single book used to be in the library.' She pointed to the shelf opposite. 'Over there was Catch-22, which was a hugely popular fishing book and one of a series, I believe."

"I want a 100% kind of relationship, and I’m willing to give it 50%."

"Couples should be able to share their dreams with one another. That’s why for just $69.69, you’ll like what I have to sell you. It’s not just one tube and two suction cups you each attach to your foreheads—it’s the Dream Tunnel."

"I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything."Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?"

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead."

"You're the queen, and it's the queen's house, and whatever Brigan may accomplish, he's highly unlikely ever to be queen."

"Well, Diotallevi and I are planning a reform in higher education. A School of Comparative Irrelevance, where useless or impossibe courses are given. The school's aim is to turn out scholars capable of endlessly increasing the number of unnecessary subjects."

"In a gust of guts and gusto, I told her of my love for her. Then, like a tornado, she spun what I said into something that terrorized Kansas."

"How to Treat Your Lover {Couplet} If you want to learn how your lover best to treat,Pretend each time is the last time you'll ever meet."

"Writer's Block [10w] Every writer's block is surrounded by a million other possibilities."

"We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own."