"Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you."
"Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational."
"I think I've discovered the secret of life -- you just hang around until you get used to it."
"That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another."
"I'm dying and all I hear are insults!"
"Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?"...Then a voice comes to me out of the dark and says, "We hate to tell you this but life is a thousand word essay."