"I cry, but not for myself. There’s too much sadness in this world to waste a moment with self-pity, when making others smile will also make me smile."
"If there are two men, Rod and Rob, and you can only steal from one, which one would you choose? The answer is: Whichever one is a banker."
"She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s last name."
"We must make love to find out how it’s made. I don’t know what the ingredients are, but I think we can make a batch or two by morning."
"Using my thumb and middle finger, I tend to make snap decisions. Right away I know whether I like a song or not."
"When traveling on foot through the Sahara Desert, be sure to pack several gallons of ice cream, and keep them close to your heart, because nothing, not even my love, can make that thing melt."