Jarod Kintz, Write like no one is reading 3

"I thirst for love like a camel thirsts for water. I’m going through a desert right now, but I’m searching for the oasis of my life."

"Despite his last name, I’ll bet Johnny Cash never had an inflated ego, or needed a wheelbarrow full of last name to go shopping."

"I predict that love will burst forth on the Fourth of July. That’s tomorrow, so I’d better prepare tonight for massive fireworks of the heart."

"When stuck in outer space, moonwalk home. I can dance as well as any hitchhiker in the galaxy, and you can 42 off if you don’t believe me."

"She said she was a nurse. I replied that she must have a lot of patience—and patients. I would have said more, but I ran out of homophones."

"I work in a secret whisper factory. It’s all very hush-hush. Her love for me could be found there, if it could be found at all, but it can’t, because it’s invisible."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"She said she was a nurse. I replied that she must have a lot of patience—and patients. I would have said more, but I ran out of homophones."

"Everyone is different from each other, but that doesn’t mean everyone should be indifferent to each other."

"This year I vow to learn how to garden. I will be the Farmer of Love and grow in understanding and forgiveness."

"I'm going to sell Flash Bang Wow Fuzz (not a drill) in a bottle, but I’m not sure how to market it. Maybe as a drinkable alternative to love."

"I watch you like a mirror, because I see in you what I see in myself. Who we love is a reflection of who we are."

"We must make love to find out how it’s made. I don’t know what the ingredients are, but I think we can make a batch or two by morning."

"She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s last name."

"She bats her eyelashes like I’m throwing baseballs at them. I must be as romantic as Pete Rose’s last name."

"If there are two men, Rod and Rob, and you can only steal from one, which one would you choose? The answer is: Whichever one is a banker."

"Everyone is different from each other, but that doesn’t mean everyone should be indifferent to each other."

"Sleep is the breakfast of champions. This morning I had two big bowls full, each two hours deep."

"People won't buy study guides for a dollar, but they will pay 100 dollars for test answers. A ‪#startup‬‬‬‬ should keep this mentality in mind."

"When traveling on foot through the Sahara Desert, be sure to pack several gallons of ice cream, and keep them close to your heart, because nothing, not even my love, can make that thing melt."