More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"Once you finish having sex, what is there to do but start over?"
"If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal. I would pour you a large glass of Michael Phelps, but I don’t have that much water."
"It's a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there's no two ways about it."
"My brain is divided into two butterflies, and both are in love with your rose-shaped heart. If you've got the garden, I've got my whole life."