"I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?"
"Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset."
"Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority."
"I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq."
"There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious."
"Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some."