"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"I’m making naked, and I’m making it by hand and other body parts. Next I’ll be making spaghetti, if my first cooking show hasn’t been canceled by then."
"What is the shape of love? Is it shaped like you? For me it is, but for you maybe it is shaped like me."
"The heart sees what the eyes do not, and the heart hears what the ears cannot. Sight and sound are vibrations, and so is love."
"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."
"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."