"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
"It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die."
"The best way to waste your life, is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don't participate."
"You think maybe if you just work harder and faster, you can hold off the chaos, but then one day you’re changing a patio light bulb with a five-year life span and you realize how you’ll only be changing this light maybe ten more times before you’ll be dead."
"trichloroethane [...] All my extensive testing has shown this to be the best treatment for a dangerous excess of human knowledge"
"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."