My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it."

"If we make it out of this alive, I’ll kill you. So you have that to look forward to."

"Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic."

"I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones."

"She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible."