"Pizza vs. Internet Porn I'm still debating whether pizza or internet porn is the best thing ever invented.I've already jack-off three times while eating a double-cheese pepperoni piemaking my careful deliberations."
"Mmm Mmm Good Gimmick Campbell's Soup announced todayit's introducing 'QWERTY' soupfor our more computer literate children.Who are they kidding?They're just relabeling the old Alphabet Soup."
"As Dead As "Nothing's changed at my place of birth.It is as dead as I remember leaving it."
"Measuring Love The only scientist who can measure love is the onewho's in love with another scientist."
"Tennessee State Motto Agriculture and Commerce.Where the KKK was bornand the most popular pick up line is, 'Nice tooth!"
"Pulling a Houdini Relationships are magic;we're always getting each other out of handcuffs and strait-jacketswhile locked in a steamer trunk underwater."