More quotes by David Sedaris

"When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard."
"A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit."
"I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met."
"All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments."
"Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it."