They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes.... - Jarod Kintz, My love can only occupy one person at a time

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."

"They should make bubblegum that tastes like mashed potatoes. You know, for lovers."

"We got into an argument over the color of love. I said it was pink, and he said it was red. So you see, I had no other choice but to stab him."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"My ashtray is full, the carton of cigarettes is empty, and I just cremated grandpa. But I never inhaled—or told him I loved him."