More quotes by Stephen Colbert, I Am America

"America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best."Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children."We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies."
"A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?"
"Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor."
"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ."
"Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes."