More quotes by Stephen Colbert, I Am America

"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ."
"A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?"
"All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ."
"Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes."
"Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor."