"At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on."
"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."
"I inherited a pound from my British uncle. I’d have rather gotten a dollar, because what do I want with an animal shelter?"
"I used to be a bumper sticker kind of writer. Now I’m more developed, and my writing often takes up whole bumpers."
"It’s not: I jumped in, and it was cold. No. It was cold, and I jumped in. Always arrange a sentence so you appear to be fearless, when in fact you are far less than fearless—you are clueless."
"She asked me if I was seeing anybody else, and I said, No, the other woman is invisible."