"Before I die, I want to change my name to "Here,"so that my tombstone could simply read, "Here lies."And then people who knew me could walk by, shake their head, and say, "Ain't that the truth."
"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."
"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."
"I want to replace my knees with miniature Rube Goldberg machines. That way you'll know how difficult it is for me to simply walk out of your life."
"I want to have breasts the size of Florida, so that people might see me at Ponte Vedra beach and gasp, “Look at the size of his Naples!"
"I want a billion people to know my name as well as they know their own. I want to clone myself to fame."