#Funny

"But Amy,"Elder says. "Space suits!"

"And you look beautiful,"she added."I look like a cake.""But a beautiful cake."

"Tweeting is talking into the abyss, filling a void in your life by avoiding real human contact."

"aren't you, uh... reproducing?"sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things."

"Most of the people in my family were pretty funny. Everyone had a good sense of humor. I came to California right after college, wanting to be a musician."

"The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes."

"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."

"Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go."

"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."

"When I hear Jazz, my first instinct is to lean over to the guy next to me and whisper, "Fourth floor, please."

"In a brave and noble way, I want to sacrifice my life one day so that two of my clones can live."

"Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny."

"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."

"Writing humor for me is more like a watchful-ness. You have to watch. When you say something funny, or someone else does, it's more like you wait for the piece."

"Be careful, though.""Aren't I always?""No, I think the word for how you usually are is 'reckless."

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes."

"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."

"I want to go to all the topless bars in America and try to sell every single one of them a roof."

"Nice costume,"he said. "Ditto. I can tell you put a lot of thought into yours."Amusement curled his mouth. "If you don't like it, I can take it off."