Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do i... - Dave Barry

"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"

"Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."