Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the... - Dave Barry

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."

"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"

"Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects."

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."