Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the... - Dave Barry

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

"The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter."

"Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing."