"I believe the love shared between two people shouldn’t be secretly shared with a third. Not even if I am vacationing on the moon, and that third person is my clone."
"I am not the Bird of Love I once thought I was. But my silence suggests I may be the Pterodactyl of Love."
"I applied for your love like a recent MBA grad might apply at Walmart today. I grew a beard on my chest and laughed through my ass just to get your attention."
"I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?"
"You know, if a waitress asks me if I want ketchup with my fries, I’ll reply, “No thanks, I’ll just drink water.” And that’s not just a statement about table etiquette; it’s a personal quote that accurately reflects my moral and philosophical belief system."
"The sunset faded and blended from pink to peach to mango in a smoothie in the sky. For as long as she doesn’t love me, I will love her."