I bought you a gift. It’s something I’ve always wanted, but... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"I love running. I’m not into marathons, but I am into avoiding problems at an accelerated rate."

"I’m hungry for success. And lasagna."

"I saw him do a No More Potatoes Dance, after he saw me stuff the last of the mashed potatoes in my pocket."