"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."
"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!"
"I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I also replaced the doors with metal detectors, so I could fondle you more efficiently, like the highly trained professionals do who run airport security."
"God ordered the world and all things in it, and I ordered a pizza and all things on it."
"My skull is soundproof. And thank God too, or else you’d be able to hear all the horrible things I’m thinking about you."
"I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off."