More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Knocking on a door is so violent. Instead, try talking to the door to get it to open up to you. I should write a self-help book for door-to-door salesmen."
"There are two typos of people in this world: those who can edit, and those who can't."
"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."
"I chased the chaste, and they got scared and scurried. Then I stood still and loved where I was at, and all approached without fear of reproach."
"I want to sprint into her open arms, but I run as fast as two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire. I’m like Roger Bannister, now that he’s in a wheelchair."