I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"I need a Caution: Slippery When Wet sign, because I just spilled my ego all over the floor."

"At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don’t know what’s going on."

"Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows."

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now."