"I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick."
"Man is solid, not liquid. But with the fluid nature of networking, my personal brand would grow faster if I would just go with the flow."
"What is the shape of love? Is it shaped like you? For me it is, but for you maybe it is shaped like me."
"I don’t know what I’ll do until I know what you’ll do. I’m proactive with my preemptive reactive strategy."
"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."
"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."