"I said I made a special trip to get her favorite item, because it sounded more romantic than admitting I randomly had it already. Now that’s love."
"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"
"If you fear rejection, you won’t embrace acceptance. But don’t push yourself onto others, because they won’t pull you close."
"To show you I love you, I bought you an antique watch. You can tell it's old because it doesn't even work. I got a great deal on it."
"I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest."
"I sympathize with a mother who has three mouths to feed—especially if two of those mouths are on her face. With a woman like that I’d listen twice as hard for doublespeak. I’m pretty accustomed to picking up on political rhetoric."