More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"My girlfriend just bought me a portable toaster. And my birthday’s coming up, so I’m half expecting her to buy me a portable bathtub to go along with it."
"The going rate for love is going away. And the more you go away, the more expensive it gets."
"My name represents me, but it’s not who I am. It’s just a collection of letters. Unfortunately, none of them are love letters."
"I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?"
"I’ve only been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky finger. I could have held up my index finger, but I wasn’t in love that long."