I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe,... - Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

"I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it."

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More quotes by Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country's largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

"Why does death have to stop #love? It doesn’t stop people from voting in Chicago."
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"In a brave and noble way, I want to sacrifice my life one day so that two of my clones can live."
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"I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100."
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"I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red."
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"I want to go to all the topless bars in America and try to sell every single one of them a roof."
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