"I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late—they’re not even coming!"
"I want to write a book on sex. It will be filled with phrases like "Uuuhgh yeeeaaaah,"and "Ooooh that's it,"and "Whose hands are those?"
"I want to replace my knees with miniature Rube Goldberg machines. That way you'll know how difficult it is for me to simply walk out of your life."
"I want to own something that really reflects me as a person. Something like a mirror."
"I want to be the Everyman and take an IQ test and get a perfect 100."
"I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him."