More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I’d fight for your love like I’m Tyler Durden. I want you to hit on me as hard as you can."
"I watched the leaves change colors, and I thought, “People do that too. Their hair changes color as they age.” I remember that as my grandpa got older, his hair went from green to yellow to red, like a traffic light, only with slightly less honking."
"Microwavable ice cream is the future. Don’t wait for love to melt all over your crotch. Scoop some Ice Cream Soup today."
"I have a deep respect for shallow pockets. They keep politicians honest."
"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."