More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I’ve found newspapers only useful as kindling material for campfires. It’s been said that newspaper articles are written at a fifth grade reading level. If so, I can’t figure out why journalists would write something that the average high school senior can’t even read."
"She asked me how I slept. Knowing she meant quality of sleep, I said I slept naked. It’s true. Ask any of the joggers who saw me sleepwalking."
"I am innocent! But only because the opportunity to partake in an activity that would render me guilty has not presented itself."
"My handshake is as firm as cooked spaghetti. So, do you prefer your introductions with Alfredo or marinara sauce?"
"Your personal brand should be like water: not only clear, but transparent to the public. People thirst for that, and they will drink you up."