More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"Hard at work? I’ll give you a hand—my right hand. It’s a handshake, for networking and encouragement purposes. Keep it up!"
"A tree with red leaves is like an old man with gray hair. Likewise, my love for you was blue, but now it’s orange, and that’s a compliment."
"I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best."
"Hoping to win the lottery to escape your existence is like waiting on a unicorn to give you a ride out of town. If you’re interested, I’m selling saddles."
"I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, “The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish."