More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If I were hairy, would you vacuum my chest before we made love? I’d probably have enough chip crumbs in it to feed the homeless, because I’m a charitable kind of guy."
"The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day."
"My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk."
"I give 110% in love. If that seems absurd, just know that I used presidential voting machines to calculate that number. It's totally legit."
"In the long run, even a marathon looks like a sprint. This is how I can love with such Roger Bannisteresque intensity."