"You can never be too early to stand around and wait. You can have a seat in this chair, after I cinch the noose around my neck and you kick it out from under my legs."
"The truth is like a nipple: the more you twist it, the more somebody is going to get hurt."
"My life is but a firefly’s flicker, so I’d better use my brief moment to light up the darkness that covers her path."
"Tennis is the only sport with love in the score, and that makes it the most romantic. I would be a player, but I wisely use the net to go fishing instead."
"Our love will blend together like turquoise is blue and green. There’s no depression or envy when both blur into one."
"There’s nothing more important than literary merit, and that’s why I not only created an award—the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award—but I nominated myself as the first recipient. You can’t always wait for success to come to you. Sometimes you just have to create it out of nothingness. Just ask the Federal Reserve."