"Instead of a vow of silence, I took a vow of invisibility. At that time you were looking for someone to love, and that’s why you couldn’t see me."
"It's a fact that men make more money than women. That's why I became a man. Best decision of my life."
"I gave her a hundred dollar bill. She said, “Thanks, how can I repay you?” I replied, “Two fifties would be good, but three fifties would be better."
"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."
"I grew a garden in her heart. There was plenty of space for flowers, because her heart was completely empty of love."
"I can sell you wine and I can sell you flowers, but I can't sell you romance, because that comes from your heart, and it's free."