"Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something."
"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known."
"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."
"Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education."
"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."