"Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something."
"Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education."
"No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."
"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."
"All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring."
"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."