Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction... - Ambrose Bierce

"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."

"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."