The covers of this book are too far apart. - Ambrose Bierce

"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."

"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."