Ambrose Bierce

"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."

"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."

"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."

"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."

"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."

"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."

"Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."

"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."