Ambrose Bierce

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."

"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."

"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."

"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of."

"The covers of this book are too far apart."

"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."

"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."

"Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success."

"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."