"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die."
"And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl."
"Racial humor was about 35% of my act when I first started. But I realized that it was a crutch. What brought it home was when another comedian said to me, 'If you changed color tomorrow, you wouldn't have any material.' He meant it as a put-down, but I took it as a challenge."
"George Carlin is brilliant with words, and Johnny Winters is very creative. It's taking something common and drawing out the humor, being clever with words."
"A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise."
"You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it."