More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I’m a natural salesman. I sold my soul to the devil. I’m so shrewd that I got pennies on the dollar for it. Ha! Wait, a buyer who gets pennies on the dollar is the clever one in the deal. Damn it! Lucifer tricked me!"
"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."
"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."
"For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest."
"Last night I didn’t sleep for a solid eight hours. No, it melted a little. Damn global warming."